On Black Womanhood and Femininity...

In light of my last post, I really want to explore the idea of the feminine as it relates to Black women.

Can Black women really be feminine?

Honestly, I think not. And this is coming from a make-up wearing, heel rocking, skirt loving Black woman who wears her femme-ness with much pride. But, all that aside, I don't think that Black women, or any woman of color for that matter, but especially Black women, can ever truly be feminine in this society.

Let me explain why.

Femininity is something that has been of utmost importance in this country. In the days of slavery, it was a privelege (if you can call it that) awarded to white women and fiercely protected by white men. Feminine was to be demure, delicate, dainty and lily white. In fact, back in the day (way before bronzer and tanning beds), proper young white ladies protected their feminine, with bonnets and hats as not to darken their lovely lily skin. Femininity was and I believe still is a code word for white woman.

For that reason and by that definition, a Black woman will never be feminine. Why? It's simple. She will never have white skin.

It's pretty obvious when you think about it. Why is the standard of beauty in this country still a blonde haired, blue eyed white girl, with a waif-life body and perky breasts? Of course, said white girl might have her occasional chocolate (or should I say caramel friend) and of course she'll have an Asian one too, (gotta make it PC right?) but they are always other to her is. That is, she is model, they are only variations of a prototype.

And even when you break it down within the community, it's always those women closest to white who are deemed most beautiful. My mom always joked about the society she was introduced to when she was in grad school in New Orleans. A society that put just as much stock, if not more, into personal appearance as in education. My mom said her roommate was unattractive and overweight (both usually strikes against a woman's worth) but was always accepted because of her light skin and eyes. And my mother, who is brown, was saved by her long hair. The valuation of these attributes is obviously their likeness to the white standard of beauty. But, despite how close she (the light skinned beauty) might be in the subculture (if you can call Blackness that), she will never be white and thus never be truly feminine to the culture at large.

Now of course this is not to say that a Black woman or any woman of color can not be seen as sexy or attractive. Of course she can. Black women have always been sexualized. That's never been the question. It's our ability to be truly feminine, meaning truly valued and revered as wholesome, noble and beautiful that's been up for intepretation. Black women are always cast as sexy, alluring and sexually available, but rarely is a Black woman put on a pedestal as a true "lady".

What kind of effect must this have on the psyche of Black women in this country? Always trying, but never quite measuring up. Using all the tonics and potions to straighten our hair, lighten our skin, and mold our bodies in the likeness of a standard that will never include us? How must it feel to know that no matter what we do, our beauty will never quite be enough? It's got to be a pretty serious mind fuck. In fact, I know it is.

So what is the answer? The answer in my opinion is reject this idea of femininity. No, this doesn't mean "dressing like a man" (unless youu want to) or trying to be more masculine (because thats a whole 'notha mind fuck for a whole 'notha post). What it does mean is coming up with our own standard that exists outside of white womanhood. A standard in which we are central and not operating from a place of other, a place of being outside looking in. A standard that celebrates our whole selves and not just a caricature of a caricature of someone else.

But what does this look like?

There's really no true answer. When I think of this notion or rejecting the boxes of gendered socialization, I think about queer culture and genderfuck. I also think about black women choosing to celebrate their natural selves. I think about including other representations of woman into the standard. Representations that include fat women, dark skinned women, masculine women, noncorfomists women, androgynous women, and more. I think about completely dismantling this paradigm of beauty and femininity for something new and different and revolutionary.

Something truly beautiful.